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April 13, 2017

It’s rare that I have the pleasure of catching the sun rise. Since my injury took place more than 5 months ago I haven’t been awake, outside or able to walk my dog in the early hours of the morning. More than 1 month ago I agreed to open the yoga studio Tuesday mornings. We open at 6, which means my ass needs to be up at 4:30-ish.

It hasn’t been hard. I thought it would be, but even on the nights when sleep is fleeting and comfort is a far cry from my bed, I get up. I’ve missed the peace of the morning. I’ve missed my dog’s curiosity at me getting up. She waits to see just what is happening. I miss those mornings with just the two of us on the streets, listening to the birds, awaiting the first kiss of sun. I miss hearing my footsteps on the dirt path...

March 6, 2017

Almost 2 weeks ago I returned from a solo trip to South Carolina. It had been the first time in many, many years that I had taken a trip that wasn't for a training or for family. I was going on a journey for myself. I stayed with a dear friend of mine who made a point to provide every comfort - from a cozy bed to a car to make my journeying easy. I had forgotten what it was like to not have to worry so much. I didn't have to worry about anyone else, any thing else, I truly got to focus on myself, my soul.

Mornings were spent sitting in the sun on the beach or by the pool. I walked along the marsh walk taking in nature. I was able to breathe with nature once more. Traveling to Charleston one day, I found myself listening to another part of me. I was li...

January 15, 2017

It’s been a little over 7 weeks since the tear happened. I’m in a walking boot now and have been approved for 50% of my weight to used or pushed or whatever the word may be. I was told to get a scale and measure what the pressure would be. So I did. I borrowed my parents scale, which is digital, and got NOWHERE with it fast. The screen would blink and flash and label body weight index and height. It proved pointless.

So here I am. I’m allowed to use my left foundation, my stability at 50%. I have also been left in charge of my rehabilitation. On the bright side, my surgeon really trusts me and how I listen to my body. On the dark side (is it what it’s called? I’m not sure), I really crave support. No, not someone else pushing me or forcing me, but som...

December 7, 2016

Did you know that your body shakes after anesthesia?

It usually happens to me after big emotional outbursts, after yin yoga, after a body scan meditation. I'm used to this feeling.

As the nerve block slowly leaves my body, I watch and feel my leg muscles spasm. “It's happy to be connected again,” Cory said.

It's true!  I don't feel the sad, empty space anymore. My toe is at a point in my splint which mimics how I've always walked since I was younger, on my tippy toes.

Oxycodone makes me fuzzy, like bits of itchy cotton across my skin at times. Weird.

I'm trying to be a good patient and follow a routine with my meds. I honestly don't really trust medicine. Like I mentioned in a previous post, it's hard for me to trust.

Before my operation I thought about al...

December 6, 2016

“On this day I sit with my body as we trust in others to help us in this journey of healing.

May my internal world be fluid & accepting

May my spirit sit & help guide the hand of healing

I call upon God, healing Ancestors, Spirit guides & Guardian angels to surround & support

May I be surrounded by healing, safe, white light

May each movement be a step further toward connection

May this reconnection of physical energy promote healing & connection emotionally & spiritually

I extend my heart & soul to trust in the Higher Spirit to repair, mend, heal & awake with strength to continue in this journey

I remain fluid, safe, open & healed

Grateful, full of love & light, I welcome you”

After writing this I meditated. I listened to my breath, my body, my th...

December 4, 2016

I woke up today after a solid night’s rest. Still not taking anything for pain, only unwrapped my splint when it felt like it was suffocating my ankle. I got my period too. At one point last night my cramps were way worse than anything I've felt since I tore my Achilles. It's a good reminder of just how strong my body is, just how tolerant.

After all, it's been 35+ years of my body being tolerant of my actions. I've spent so much time neglecting it, hating it and defying it's requests. Now that I've worked so hard to mend my body/mind/spirit relationship, I'm faced with this immediate challenge.

I'm scared.

I'm scared of falling back to a place of self hate. I'm scared of losing my connection and love with my body. I also know that this is all fueled by...

December 2, 2016

Have you ever had the feeling like you were missing something inside?

It's strange to feel this kind of pain. I can feel the tear of connective tissue when my Achilles broke. I can feel the empty space...and when I listen...I can feel the sadness inside my body. I feel broken. I feel the space. I feel the gap that wants to be holding together like two hands reaching for life, reaching for love. I see mirrors within myself to the world. Mirrors to my relationships, mirrors to the what's happening in the world right now. Connection, broken.

I spent a whole day on the phone making sure all the steps were in line, to make all my procedures would be covered by insurance. I think I did it right? It's not something I'm accustomed to doing. It's weird to ask f...

November 30, 2016

It was a Tuesday like any other. I spent most of it with one of my best friends…

Lunch. Good sandwiches. Climbing at the rock gym. On this day I felt different in my body. Everything was really working as a team. I felt strong and agile.

Then something shifted. Time. Traffic. Rain. Late.

Got to dance class late. I do check in so I am never late. Phone wasn't working. Messages never sent. Something was off. I brushed it off.

I let it go. I listened to the drums. I listened to the beat. There too...something was off. But for some reason it didn't matter. I felt too good.

Then came the last few minutes of class and a solo circle.

I was going.

Then I wasn't.

Then I was.

Then I wasn't.

I finally did and 3 steps in…

SNAP

It felt like a guitar string snapped and broke...

April 13, 2016

When you can't find the words and see someone who can...
this video shows the beauty and power of listening to yourself. In a yoga therapy session you have that chance to sit, listen, and notice. Take a moment now…"just breathe"

(notice the difference - what's happening now?)

#howyogatherapyworks #exploretheconnection #morethanjusttherapy#yogatherapyequalslifetherapy #maineyogatherapy #justbreathe#mindfulness #breathe #mindful

March 1, 2016

Lately, this has been the theme throughout my life - with work, with play, within the relationship I have with myself and others. “I need to feel the difference in order to know the difference.”

I never really felt it as much as I feel it now. In regards to yoga, well...my practice has changed a lot. The way I choose which class to take, the way I choose to take care of myself through discipline...it evolves. Like any relationship, my practice evolves. What I need each day evolves. But how do I know the difference? How is it possible to tap into that place inside that TRULY KNOWS what I need ALL of the time? There are days when that feight feels impossible, when I just want to curl up in a ball, when there are no words, there are no sounds, no way I c...

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Portland, Maine 04103

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