I've been discerning(sitting with) the idea of support for some time now. Looking at the difference between the kind of support that shows up and the support I really need to get me through _______.
It's interesting how much I am willing to bear with at any given moment. It's the "this is fine" mentality.
Are you familiar with this image?
I used to laugh SO much with my co-workers about this image. If you have ever worked in "the industry" which usually refers to food & beverage, you are probably familiar with this concept. No matter the fire, you work through, make it work, just keep moving...
This can only work for so long and wears people down on SO many levels.
I feel like most people can relate to this concept no matter where you are in life. Deep inside our human experience is the ability to survive and make anything work. The other thing is that most of us are not running away from lions or tigers, but running away from negative Yelp reviews and social media out lashes. Living in THIS world right now is hard work and we are coping with a hell of a lot of not so fine realities.
So how do I find the support I really need? I have to ask for it...
I cannot even begin to tell you how challenging that is for me. Asking for what I need??? Really? I'm a natural problem solver, I apply strategy way more than I need to and the last thing I want to be seen as is weak. I'm a baddass. I am the youngest of 3 and the only girl. I cry...to get what I want (well I did that at a very young age, not so much anymore). Now I just cry because that's what I need to do sometimes. Mostly, it's what my body needs to do to express emotion.
Through the work I do, I have found the ability to really look at my reality through multiple lenses. I have so much gratitude for this tool. I had no idea until a few weeks ago that what I needed what actually different then what was showing up. When I literally FELT the difference, I was overcome with emotion. Self worth plays a lot into it for me. And though I have worked through some things, the theme shows up time and again. This time I noticed that I didn't feel like I was worth bothering people. I didn't feel like I could ask for something specific. Man, was I wrong about that!
It feels SO good to ask for what I need and I know it's a practice I will need to continue every day. It's easy for me to fall back on habits and patterns, especially when it means putting others in front of me. But, it's well worth the effort, right? Yeah, it is.