When Memories Feel Like Too Much

January 5, 2018

 

It happens to the best of us when we least expect it. A memory floods in at the least suspecting moment and then, just like that, you can feel it in your body. After so many years of working in the field of Mind/Body, it still fascinates me how a memory, a simple memory can take me completely out of the present & into the past or future.

 

A smell,

sound,

taste,

a sound/song.

how my skin gets brushed,

bumped,

a word,

subject,

ALL have taken me away.

 

At times it can be pleasant tipping off a daydream that lasts forever or what was or what could be. I fanticise of any or all possibilities. The opposite happens too - a memory of loss or struggle and all of a sudden my heart starts racing and I am consumed my fear and anxiety or what happened or what could happen.

 

The common theme in all of it is, when the vision or dream is complete I am left with judgement. I judge myself, good or bad. I judge the people that were involved (real or not) good or bad. I shove my experience (even if it was imaginary) into a box of have to's and chance, of could have's, of not enough's. I am left with a shell - a faint memory of who I know I am.

 

Kind of crazy, right? That a memory of the past can leave with a memory of the present...is it crazy though?

 

So the practice of being present and noticing what's happening now comes in:

 

I ask:

What's relevant about this now?

Is this a memory coming up because I'm avoiding comfort/discomfort now?

Do I want the old me to be the true me that I am now?

How am I RIGHT NOW? What am I FEELING NOW in my body?

 

Mindfulness IS a practice. Some times I hate going to practice, like I did when I was young: piano, sports, singing, anything. Some times I am grateful for the practice. Those moments when I can see what practice has given me. I can SEE life happening in the moment. I can simply BE.

 

Curious of how? Wanna try something? Let's talk anne.esguerra.me@gmail.com

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