I’m in a place where I feel my heart breaks on a regular basis:
• Turning on the news
• Driving (seeing ALL the DEAD squirrels, election signs, road rage, construction, folks holding signs at every stop signal asking for help, bumper stickers expressing hate, etc.)
• Social media
• Talking to friends over coffee about all of the above
• Not having my expectations met (usually based on logical humanistic response)
It feels like too much to take at times. Even now as I type about it, I can feel my heart racing (though this may also have to do with the high level of caffeine in my system). Turning OFF feels like the greatest challenge these days and silence feels like the thing I want the most.
The moment I do (decide to turn things off) I am often times met with projection from others:
“ You don’t read the paper? Do you know that Trump is President?”
So I’m often left with saying the internal “Wow…” in my head and moving on with silence. I explore my internal experience of how situations effect, affect, rattle, push/pull me.
I sit curious with the thoughts of:
• Where do I feel that?
• Is it truly a threat or does this make me uncomfortable?
• If so or not, what is informing that reaction/response?
• What would happen if I took a breath instead?
• Is this something I want to keep within me?
• Can I shake this off….how?
There are usually a whole bunch of other things that come along with this: judgement, name calling, all the things you would expect from any being feeling like it is getting attacked. Survival is important to all of us, but most of the time WE are NOT actually in a life threatening position in the present moment. So when I feel the threat, but I am not actually in fear of my life in the moment, I practice recognizing that. It’s kind of like a “this is only a dream….you aren’t real” moment in Nightmare on Elm Street or “this isn’t real” in Divergent. If you know me, you know that I quote movies often and if not that I speak in metaphors.
So what to do about this heart-breaking feeling? Well, it reminds me of last night when my partner was hiccuping uncontrollably and I heard him say “I can’t get rid of them!”
I said “What if you took your next breath and gave them(the hiccups) a really big hug & some love and attention?”
They were gone the moment he exhaled.
So what if we gave a giant breath of love into all the things? We sought to step into things not to fix, but see the love that may be underneath or hidden in the background?
Yes, it may all seem Pollyanna (I may not even be using this correctly, but I don’t really care) - or that I come across as naive, but I share with you my truth of simplicity in this complicated world.
I aim not to prove a point, but to offer you a practice of compassion and love. I aim to bring my imagination to my reality. My actions are but simple steps. Whatever your actions may be, whatever truth you feel you need to step into, I send you my love and compassion